They want a grizzly. A bear for the expanse of wall in the new section of the hospital. Color and joy for contemplation and encouragement of their patients.

I choose a 40” x 30” canvas and brush on pigment. Browns and reds and oranges for the bruin. Teals and yellows and greens for his forest. His home. He ambles toward you. Curious.

He is “Born to Be Wild”.

Does the title make you laugh and encourage you at the same time?

He lives in my living room on his ‘wall den’. I like him there. He encourages me. We both wait.

I received word yesterday. They want him and sent a check. I’m thrilled. It is an honor.

But art making is an emotional process. It has to be. I’m going to miss this bear. I prepare him for packing but we are both a little sad. Happy-sad.

I promise to go down to Soldotna, Alaska to visit him in his new home. If you are in that neck of the woods, stop by and say hello.

A bear comes alive on my canvas.
I like him.

I should stop painting.
Instead I add brushstrokes.
Bad idea. I lose him.
He disappears into a mess of goo.

Fortunately, I took a photo before he slammed the door.
I repeat the same brushstrokes. I repeat the same colors.
I repeat the same everything.

The harder I try. The worse it looks.
Frustrating.

Have you been there?
The harder you try to make something work, the worse it becomes?

Lesson learned.
I have to let my bears emerge on their own.
Watch the change every brushstroke makes.
Forget the bears of pigment past.
Be open to new discoveries.

I play with layers and layers of paint.
A new bear appears.
This one is different. Better. Stronger.

Wild.